Many Jews had come to Martha and Mary to comfort them in the loss of their brother. John 11:19
Lazarus, the brother of Martha and Mary, had died. When Jesus arrived on the scene, Lazarus had been dead for three days. In Biblical times, the Jews usually buried their dead on the day they passed away. Their customs dictated that mourners show their support for the bereaved on the third day. So the Jews from Jerusalem came to comfort Martha and Mary upon the death of Lazarus. Most likely, these siblings were of a prominent family and so the Jews in Jerusalem walked the two miles or so to Bethany. Both Martha and Mary were beside themselves with grief. Both knew that if Jesus had been there, Lazarus would not have died. But Jesus had other plans. He raised Lazarus from the dead. A true miracle for all to see so that they might put their faith in Jesus.
I wonder what would have happened if there were no rules or customs that required the Jews from Jerusalem to officially grieve with Martha and Mary. I wonder, too, if the people would have walked that far if Martha and Mary had not been members of a distinguished family. Perhaps their suffering would have been dismissed. Or perhaps only a few would have walked the distance to Bethany.
Fast forward to our own time and culture. When we hear of a friend losing a brother or sister, what do we do to help them? Or do we believe that they will get over it soon enough without our assistance?
Adult sibling death is often misunderstood. When an adult dies, folks quickly reach out to the surviving spouse, parents, and children. And rightly so. But what about the deceased’s brothers and sisters? Typically they are brushed to the wayside. It isn’t that people don’t care. It’s just they don’t realize how painful it is.
Sibling loss is frequently referred to as “disenfranchising.” What that means is the bereaved are deprived of the care they need during their time of grief. Called the “forgotten mourners”, their suffering is minimized. Why is that? I believe that, especially in our mobile society, brothers and sisters grow up in the same house, but part ways to live hundreds of miles away from each other. Perhaps they only spend time together during the holidays. Or maybe not even then. So when someone they know loses a sibling, they can’t relate. Unfortunately for those who are grieving, they may not receive sympathy and help simply because their friends have no idea how huge their heartache is.
Losing an adult sibling is a very painful experience. This experience isn’t just “gotten over” in a few weeks. Anytime we lose someone we love, they leave behind a hole in our heart, a broken place that requires much time and healing. The heart is never completely whole again although the pain may lessen over time.
If you know someone who has suffered the passing of a brother or sister, reach out to them with compassion and kindness. Try to understand what they must be experiencing. Realize that they need to express their grief as they begin their healing journey. Walk beside them, even if you don’t know what to say. Whether you travel two miles like the Jews who traveled to Bethany, or many miles, just knowing you are there will comfort those who mourn.
Dear Jesus, I thank You that You are always with me, even when those around me don’t understand my sense of pain. May I care for those who need Your healing touch, just as You care for me. In Your precious Name I pray, Amen.
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Copyright © 2015 by Dawn Dailey. All rights reserved.
All scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV®. Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com The “NIV” and “New International Version” are trademarks registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc.™
Lazarus, the brother of Martha and Mary, had died. When Jesus arrived on the scene, Lazarus had been dead for three days. In Biblical times, the Jews usually buried their dead on the day they passed away. Their customs dictated that mourners show their support for the bereaved on the third day. So the Jews from Jerusalem came to comfort Martha and Mary upon the death of Lazarus. Most likely, these siblings were of a prominent family and so the Jews in Jerusalem walked the two miles or so to Bethany. Both Martha and Mary were beside themselves with grief. Both knew that if Jesus had been there, Lazarus would not have died. But Jesus had other plans. He raised Lazarus from the dead. A true miracle for all to see so that they might put their faith in Jesus.
I wonder what would have happened if there were no rules or customs that required the Jews from Jerusalem to officially grieve with Martha and Mary. I wonder, too, if the people would have walked that far if Martha and Mary had not been members of a distinguished family. Perhaps their suffering would have been dismissed. Or perhaps only a few would have walked the distance to Bethany.
Fast forward to our own time and culture. When we hear of a friend losing a brother or sister, what do we do to help them? Or do we believe that they will get over it soon enough without our assistance?
Adult sibling death is often misunderstood. When an adult dies, folks quickly reach out to the surviving spouse, parents, and children. And rightly so. But what about the deceased’s brothers and sisters? Typically they are brushed to the wayside. It isn’t that people don’t care. It’s just they don’t realize how painful it is.
Sibling loss is frequently referred to as “disenfranchising.” What that means is the bereaved are deprived of the care they need during their time of grief. Called the “forgotten mourners”, their suffering is minimized. Why is that? I believe that, especially in our mobile society, brothers and sisters grow up in the same house, but part ways to live hundreds of miles away from each other. Perhaps they only spend time together during the holidays. Or maybe not even then. So when someone they know loses a sibling, they can’t relate. Unfortunately for those who are grieving, they may not receive sympathy and help simply because their friends have no idea how huge their heartache is.
Losing an adult sibling is a very painful experience. This experience isn’t just “gotten over” in a few weeks. Anytime we lose someone we love, they leave behind a hole in our heart, a broken place that requires much time and healing. The heart is never completely whole again although the pain may lessen over time.
If you know someone who has suffered the passing of a brother or sister, reach out to them with compassion and kindness. Try to understand what they must be experiencing. Realize that they need to express their grief as they begin their healing journey. Walk beside them, even if you don’t know what to say. Whether you travel two miles like the Jews who traveled to Bethany, or many miles, just knowing you are there will comfort those who mourn.
Dear Jesus, I thank You that You are always with me, even when those around me don’t understand my sense of pain. May I care for those who need Your healing touch, just as You care for me. In Your precious Name I pray, Amen.
Want to subscribe to future posts? Click here.
Copyright © 2015 by Dawn Dailey. All rights reserved.
All scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV®. Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com The “NIV” and “New International Version” are trademarks registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc.™
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