“You shall have no other gods before me.”  Exodus 20:3
 
 
Scotland is a country beautiful to behold and rich in history. In the Lowlands along the River Pow, the small town of New Abbey plays host to a once-magnificent monastery called Sweetheart Abbey. Built out of local red sandstone, Sweetheart Abbey is a monument wrapped in a love story.
 
Born in 1210, Lady Dervorguilla married John Balliel when she was 13. After Sir John passed away in 1269, Lady Dervorguilla commissioned the building of an abbey in his honor and to the glory of God. Completed in 1275, Sweetheart Abbey was home to Cistercian monks until 1610.
 
Visiting Sweetheart Abbey recently, I was overwhelmed by Lady Dervorguilla’s great love for her husband. The abbey is indeed a beautiful testament to love with its Gothic arches and traceried windows. Over time and through wars and neglect, glass no longer graces the ornate windows nor does a wooden roof provide shelter from the frequent rains. Despite its decay, Sweetheart Abbey remains a testimonial to Lady Dervorguilla’s devotion to her Sir John and to her faith in God.
 
What is most interesting to me about Lady Dervorguilla is that when her husband died, she had his heart embalmed and encased in an ivory and silver casket. Everywhere she went in life, she carried this small chest with her. In death, she was buried in Sweetheart Abbey, clutching the box containing her husband’s heart.
 
Pondering this oddity and not wanting to judge Lady Dervorguilla in her grief, I presume she found comfort in having the tiny casket near her as she kept alive the memory of her husband. I wonder though, if always having the tiny box in her line of sight was distracting. Did she so focus on this ornate box containing death that she lost sight of life? Did her undying love for her husband get in the way of her love for God? The first commandment of ten in Exodus 20:3 tells us we are to have no other gods or idols or anything we worship except for God Himself. We were created to worship the one true God. I like how the Westminster Shorter Catechism, which has its roots in Scottish history, answers the question of what is the chief end of man. “Man's chief end is to glorify God, and to enjoy him forever.” Building a church in honor of her husband was glorifying to God, but I wonder if her husband, or even the box containing his embalmed heart, served as an idol to her. Did she worship God or did she worship the box?
 
What box do we hold onto tightly? Is it something material like our possessions? Is it relational like a spouse or child? Is it achievement or success? Power or money? Comfort or convenience? While on the outside we might be constructing buildings of our own sort to the glory of God but in private, what do we death grip so tightly that we can’t fully worship God? What distracts us from the abundant life Jesus promised to those who believe?
 
I admire Lady Dervorguilla’s love for her husband, her desire to see him honored, and her tenacity in holding onto his memory. In learning her story, I can’t help but wonder at the lesson in letting go of what distracts so we can indeed glorify God and enjoy Him forever.
 

Lord, may we put aside idols, even those based on the love of others, so that we can focus on You. Instead of tightly holding onto the “box” that distracts us, may we firmly clasp our hands in Yours. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
 
 
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Text and photograph copyright © 2017 by Dawn Dailey. All rights reserved. Photo of Sweetheart Abbey in New Abbey, Dumfries and Galloway, Scotland.
 
All scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV®. Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com The “NIV” and “New International Version” are trademarks registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc.™

Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the LORD forgave you.  Colossians 3:13
 
 
There are times when I just don’t want to forgive. I mean, I know I should forgive. The Bible says I need to forgive those who have wronged me. But the business of forgiveness is incredibly messy. Holding onto unforgiveness makes me feel in control somehow, as if I have power over the person who hurt me.
 
Relinquishing that perceived power by forgiving someone is risky. To forgive means I have to risk being vulnerable. Forgiveness involves opening my heart to the One who is the ultimate Forgiver, but forgiveness feels like I’m opening my heart to the one I’m forgiving, allowing the wound to be stomped on all over again as I relive the hurt and sting of the past.
 
The interesting thing about the power and control we feel when we don’t forgive is that we, as the forgiver, don’t really have power over the yet-to-be-forgiven. We only think we do. Withholding forgiveness usually doesn’t impact the offender as much as it hurts us. They may not even know we haven’t forgiven them or that they are even in need of forgiveness. Unforgivenss really puts us on the “hook” with them, trapping us in anger and resentment, while we continue to hold “court” in our heads with the person who has hurt us. In these imaginary court proceedings, we are both the judge and the prosecutor. These cerebral arraignments only lead our hearts further astray. We ruminate in a vacuum. The only person getting worked up is ourselves.
 
In the long run, these unforgiving and often vengeful thoughts enable us to justify our anger and draw us further away from forgiveness. Unforgiveness wreaks havoc in our relationship with God and in our relationships with others.
 
When our anger or resentment is triggered, we need to reach up and take the offender off that hook. In the courtroom of forgiveness, God is the ultimate judge and we can trust Him to deal with the offender justly. Opening ourselves up to God to heal our hurts and help us forgive creates a vulnerability in us that is real, that makes us a bit more authentic. When we give up our perceived control to the One True Judge, we can truly forgive.
 
Some say forgiveness is a process. I disagree. Believing that forgiveness is a process means that we can say we’re working on forgiveness but often the “process” allows us to procrastinate on the actual act of forgiving. In reality, forgiveness is a decision of the will. Forgiveness is deciding once and for all to forgive, taking the offender off the hook, canceling their debt forever, and then choosing not to renege on our decision. It may take a while to get to the point where we can decide to forgive. Even then, our hearts may not yet be fully engaged. When we stand firm on our decision to forgive, our hearts will follow. The process is the healing of the hurts we’ve endured from the offender which takes time. Choosing to forgive is the decision that starts this process towards wholeness.
 
Forgiving others as Jesus has forgiven us gives us the strength to move forward, no longer stuck hanging on the hook of unforgiveness. Freed from these shackles and their close inmates of anger, resentment, and bitterness, we can live lighter, no longer weighed down by this huge burden we’ve been dragging around with us. Strength through vulnerability to the One True Judge and the firm decision to forgive leads to the pathway of freedom, wholeness, and peace.
 
 
Lord, I thank You that You have forgiven me for my sins. Help me decide once and for all to forgive those who have hurt me. May I continue to honor that decision and not go back on it as I move forward in healing, freed from the burden of unforgiveness and empowered with the strength of the Holy Spirit. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
 
 
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Copyright © 2017 by Dawn Dailey. All rights reserved. Photo of path in Monet’s garden at Giverny, in Normandy, France.
 
All scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV®. Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com The “NIV” and “New International Version” are trademarks registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc.™